Forgiveness as Freedom: How to Release Anger and Resentment for Your Own Healing

If you’ve experienced the deep wounds of emotional or physical abuse, the idea of forgiveness might feel impossible. The pain is real, and so is the anger. But what if forgiveness could be the key to reclaiming your power and peace? Understanding what forgiveness truly means can be the first step toward healing.

Forgiveness is often misunderstood. Many people think it means excusing the actions of those who have hurt us or pretending that the pain inflicted didn’t matter. However, true forgiveness is not about condoning abuse or minimising the harm done. Instead, it’s about freeing yourself from the heavy burden of anger, resentment, and bitterness that can hold you captive, preventing you from healing and moving forward.

Understanding Forgiveness: Releasing the Burden

Forgiveness is a powerful act of letting go.

Holding onto anger and resentment is like carrying a heavy load that drains our energy and keeps us stuck in the past. These emotions can consume our thoughts, impact our mental and physical health, and prevent us from truly healing. This emotional burden can manifest in various ways—chronic stress, anxiety, depression, or even physical health issues. Forgiveness, in contrast, is about making a conscious decision to let go of these negative feelings, allowing yourself to find peace and move forward. You’re choosing to prioritise your healing and peace of mind over the desire for revenge or retribution.

It’s important to recognise that forgiveness is a gift you give to yourself. It’s not about letting the other person off the hook or excusing their behaviour. Rather, it’s about prioritising your own well-being and deciding that your happiness and peace of mind are more important than holding onto past hurts.

In essence, forgiveness is about freedom. It’s the freedom to live without the constant shadow of anger and resentment. By choosing to forgive, you’re freeing yourself from the past and creating space for healing, growth, and a brighter future.

The Process of Forgiving - Steps to Begin the Journey

Forgiveness is a process, not a single act. It’s a journey that requires time, effort, and, most importantly, self-compassion.

Here are some steps to guide you:

1. Acknowledge Your Pain: Before you can forgive, it’s important to recognize and validate your feelings.

The first step in forgiving is to acknowledge the hurt and pain you’ve experienced. It’s essential to validate your feelings without minimising or denying them. The anger, and sadness you feel are real and deserve to be acknowledged. Allow yourself to feel the disappointment, fear, or betrayal fully before you begin the process of letting go. This step isn’t about dwelling on the pain, but rather giving yourself permission to feel it. Recognising your pain is the first step in the healing process.

• Action Step: Take a moment to write down what happened and how it made you feel. This act of acknowledging your emotions is crucial to moving forward.

2. Understand the Benefits of Forgiveness: Recognize that forgiveness is for your benefit, not the other person’s. By forgiving, you’re not condoning what happened; you’re choosing to move forward with your life without the weight of past hurts. It’s about releasing the grip that anger and resentment have on your life. It’s choosing peace over pain. It’s a decision to prioritise your own peace and well-being. It’s about releasing the hold that negative emotions have over you. It’s a decision to not let the past define your present or future.

• Action Step: Remind yourself that forgiveness is for your benefit. Say to yourself, “I choose to forgive so I can find peace.”

3. Make the Decision to Forgive: Forgiveness starts with a conscious decision. Decide that you want to let go of the resentment, not for the benefit of the person who hurt you, but for your own well-being. It doesn’t mean you’ll immediately stop feeling hurt or angry, but it does mean you’re committed to working through those feelings and not letting them define you. Forgiveness is a process that takes time. Maybe it’s simply acknowledging that holding onto anger is hurting you more than it’s hurting anyone else. Maybe it’s deciding that today, you’ll let go of just one negative thought. Start by forgiving for small things and build up your ability to let go of larger hurts. This helps you ease into the process without overwhelming yourself.

• Action Step: Identify a small resentment you can let go of today. Maybe it’s a minor annoyance or a past slight. Practice releasing it with compassion for yourself.

4. Express Your Feelings: Find a healthy way to express your emotions. This might be through journaling, talking to a trusted friend, or working with a therapist. Expressing your feelings helps to externalise the pain and begin the healing process. Forgiving others often begins with forgiving yourself. Let go of any guilt or self-blame you may be carrying. Understand that you deserve kindness and understanding, especially from yourself. It’s crucial to forgive yourself for any guilt or shame you might be carrying. Remember, the abuse was not your fault, and you deserve compassion and understanding from yourself.

• Action Step: Each day, look in the mirror and tell yourself, “I forgive myself for anything I’ve held against myself. I deserve love and healing.”

5. Reframe Your Thoughts: Try to shift your perspective. This doesn’t mean excusing the abuser’s behaviour, but it can involve understanding that holding onto anger is ultimately more harmful to you than to them. Reframing your thoughts can help you find a sense of peace and closure. Letting go of resentment can be challenging, but it’s crucial for your well-being. This might involve rituals like writing a letter to the person who hurt you (which you don’t need to send) or visualising the release of anger and resentment. Forgiveness is not a one-time event; it’s a journey. Don’t rush yourself. Allow yourself to go through the process at your own pace, knowing that every step forward is progress.

• Action Step: Be patient with yourself. Celebrate small victories, like feeling a little lighter after choosing to forgive a small grievance.

Focus on Your Growth. Channel your energy into your personal growth and healing. Set goals for yourself that help you move forward and build a life that reflects your values and desires.

Forgiveness is not about the person who wronged you; it’s about freeing yourself from the chains of past hurts. It’s a journey that takes time, patience, and self-compassion. But as you let go, you’ll find yourself lighter, more at peace, and ready to embrace a brighter future.

Self-Forgiveness - Healing the Wounds Within

Self-forgiveness is often the hardest part of this journey. It’s not easy to let go of the belief that somehow you could have done something differently. But healing begins when you start to show yourself the same compassion you would offer to someone else in your shoes.

For many women, especially those who have endured abuse, self-forgiveness can be the hardest part of the journey. It’s not uncommon to blame yourself for the abuse, thinking you could have done something differently to prevent it. But self-forgiveness is crucial for your healing.

• Recognize Self-Blame: Start by acknowledging any feelings of self-blame. Understand that these feelings are a natural part of the trauma response, but they are not rooted in reality. Abuse is never the victim’s fault.

• Challenge Negative Self-Talk: Pay attention to the critical inner voice that might tell you that you deserved the abuse or that you’re somehow to blame. Challenge these thoughts by reminding yourself of the truth: You are not responsible for another person’s abusive behaviour.

• Cultivate Compassion for Yourself: Treat yourself with the same kindness and compassion you would offer to a friend who has been through a similar experience. Practice self-care, speak kindly to yourself, and allow yourself to heal without judgment.

• Seek Support: Sometimes, self-forgiveness requires the help of others. Whether it’s a therapist, a support group, or a trusted friend, don’t hesitate to reach out for support as you work through these feelings.

Embracing Forgiveness as a Path to Freedom

Forgiveness is like setting down a heavy piece of luggage that you’ve been carrying for far too long. This luggage is filled with pain, anger, and resentment from past experiences. It’s weighed you down, making each step forward harder than it needs to be.

When you choose to forgive, you’re not saying that the journey wasn’t difficult or that the weight wasn’t real. Instead, you’re recognising that it’s time to lighten your load. By letting go of this old, heavy luggage, you create space in your life for something new—new experiences, new opportunities, and new wisdom gained from the past.

Forgiveness doesn’t erase what happened, but it allows you to move forward without being held back by it. It gives you the freedom to walk through life with a lighter heart, a clearer mind, and the strength that comes from overcoming challenges. As you set down this emotional baggage, you’re not just letting go; you’re making room for a brighter, more hopeful future, where the lessons of the past guide you, but don’t define you.

By forgiving, you reclaim your power, allowing yourself to keep going with more wisdom, resilience, and a renewed sense of peace.

As you reflect on this journey, remember that every small step you take in forgiveness is a step toward freedom. Today, you have the power to set down just one piece of that heavy luggage. What will you let go of to make room for a lighter, brighter future?